I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
