We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
