I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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