how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
