Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You ruined the universe
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
