I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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