never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
