She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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