1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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