When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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