I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
