Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
