my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
