I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
