i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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