Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
