Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I died a long time ago.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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