goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
