When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
