gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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