Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
