So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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