You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
