im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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