I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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