There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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