At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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