last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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