CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
