I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
