im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
