Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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