I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
