I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
