I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
