I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
