hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
