Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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