It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
