i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
