totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
