Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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