Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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