Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
