I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
