I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
