i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
