Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
