My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
