how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My dick has a subreddit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
