this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
