we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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