also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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