i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
