So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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