Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
