Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
