it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He did a backflip because drugs
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