He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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