I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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