so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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