remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
