I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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