Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
