i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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