I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
