im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
