I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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