whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize