I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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