Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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