would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
In America we eat man semen.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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