omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He better not be in your backpack
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
