I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
third nipple confirmed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize