Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
