So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
