He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
