i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need a beard to bite.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
