There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
