just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
