she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
