She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
