dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
