She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I have vodka in my lungs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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