the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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