Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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