I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
