Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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