I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
