I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
