My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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