R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
