how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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