Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
