The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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