Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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