Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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