I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
