you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
