wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
