haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
