My room smells like vodka and shame
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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