I accidentally had phone sex last night
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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