I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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