Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
