Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
