Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
