Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
