I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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