Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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