Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
