Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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