apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
