I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
