You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
