Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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