how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've blown a few things in my day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
