Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
