I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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