I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize